http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1m71m-LBqFQ
Elements of ancient style guidelines exist in modern media today. I have chosen a Hulu commercial to illustrate some aspects used in their unusual campaign. I will dissect the monolog in chronological order.
As far as the exact language and punctuation, I cannot be sure, but have made my best guess to transcribe the monolog in the below paragraphs. Since the language is meant to be heard and not read, I would say it might be a bit looser than if it were writing, but still maintains conventional correctness.
The commercial begins by zooming in to earth to Alec Baldwin: “Hello Earth. I’m Alec Baldwin, ‘T.V Star’” (makes little finger quote hand sign).
“You know they say TV will rot your brain?” he says. Here he is using a well known figure of thought that is commonly used and associated with television watching. Not that TV literally kills brain cells, but that you are just sitting there not really doing anything and by “will rot your brain” they really mean to say that it will make you stupid because you don’t think too much watching TV.
Then he continues: “Ha, that’s absurd: TV only softens the brain, like a ripe banana.” Here we are using simile to describe how our brains will become “like” a rotting banana. Of course the brain itself is not soft, but this provides a good “image” in the viewer’s head.
“To take it all the way, we created Hulu. Hulu beams TV directly to your portable computing devices to give you more of the cerebral gelatinizing shows that you want, anytime, anywhere, for free.” Baldwin looks through x-ray screen at some guy laughing at TV and Baldwin says, “Mushy, mush.”
“And the best part is, there’s nothing you can do to stop it. I mean what are you going to do, turn off your TV and your computer? Ha!” here is another rhetorical question that he asks to illustrate his point, we’re too plugged in to unplug, this point is so obvious that he doesn’t even have to say it, he can simply challenge us with a question that he doesn’t need us to answer.
“Once your brain is reduced to a cottage cheese like mush we’ll scoop them up with a melon baller and gobble them right on up!” We are using simile again here, “cottage cheese like.”
“Opps, I think I’m drooling a little. Because we’re aliens, and that how we roll.”
Tag line voice over says, “Hulu. An evil plot to destroy the world. Enjoy.”
The whole time the commercial is really saying the opposite of what it is literally saying, they don’t really want to communicate to the view that TV will rot our brain so we ought to stay away, they are communicating exactly the opposite, they want us to watch more TV, and are providing us an additional tool to watch TV when we normally can’t watch TV. The irony of the whole contradiction is supposed to be funny, like much of the time when irony is used.
Note to reviewers: Ok, I’m not sure what else to do here. I’ve run out of steam, how much else can I say about a short commercial? I feel like I am supposed to say more, but feel like I will just be repeating myself.
I think you picked a really interesting commercial. I’ve been having difficulty with the length of my paper as well, and trying to come up with an interesting point.
I don’t see really any references to the reading in your essay. You name a few of the examples, by recognizing simile and irony, but you don’t go into any detail about what those terms mean. Also, there aren’t any direct quotations from the readings. Unfortunately, if I wasn’t in this class I don’t think that I would understand what you were trying to say.
Obviously, this is a draft. You have picked a commercial that has a lot of things you can pull from the reading. I think you should brainstorm about some sort of point you want to make, and try to expand your ideas in your writing. Good luck! I’m always online (taking 3 classes this summer and I work at a library…I’m never not at a computer!) so I’ll check back frequently so I can respond to any of your comments or revisions, if you’d like. I’d like the same for me (once I get my draft posted!)
* ****Explanation and description of the YouTube Video the writer is analyzing. – Excellent
* Clear references and connections to readings on style, particularly the Crowley and Hawhee. Does the writer make reference to the various elements of ancient style (figures, tropes, types of sentences, etc.)? Is the writer quoting and paraphrasing properly, and are they explaining the connections to different elements of ancient style clearly?
The only references here to terms found in style is two similes and a rhetorical question. There is so much going on in this video that it will be really easy to use a few examples to delve into some of the lesser known uses of figurative language.
I did a quick reread of the style chapter and tried to find examples of each one in my commercial. I didn’t write my paper in that manner but it helped me dig a bit deeper. I would especially explore the concept of concession, as that is the entire premise of the commercial (we’re a little bad, but it’s not that bad…)
There are some definitions provided to provide clarity to similes and rhetorical questions. Explaining the effectiveness/appropriateness of the devices will provide a context for the purpose of your paper.
* *The writer has a “point” that is persuasive and interesting. –
You do a wonderful job describing some of the “highlights” of the commercial. They insight mental images, I *heart* Alec Baldwin. However, it seems more like a summary of the commercial. From the third to second to last paragraph it appears to be a transcription. Maybe answering “how the examples represent the devices found in the reading” or “”how are these devices effective…what purpose do they serve?”
** The writer’s essay is generally “clear” and “correct.” That is, has the writer written generally error-free prose…
- While I highly value (and use) nonconvential structures in communication, I believe this paper is supposed to reflect the prescriptive grammar and prose found in MLA. In going off of the 5 paragraph standard, the development of a clear thesis statement in the intro paragraph would allow you to connect your central idea pertaining to style and the commercial.
I really like the clarity of your first statement. It connects the reading on style to your commercial. However, the other two sentences seemed to lack a connection. They seemed more like statement of facts. Maybe further exploring the requirement or the “why” behind what you are doing would help.
You have chosen a very rich commercial for this project. By attaching references to the various ornaments used and their purpose, you can easily support your paper.
-Heather
I think you picked a great commercial. This is one for Hulu, no?
You mentioned not being sure what to write to extend your essay without being redundant. You might consider a few things. The majority of the text in your essay is the dialog from the commercial. This is understandable, as the dialog of the commercial means a lot to the assignment. You also detail exactly what Alec Baldwin is doing in the commercial with his hands and his body language, and that’s good. I think though, that you can go a lot further into the styles used in the commercial. It’s tough to flesh this out, I had a little bit of trouble figuring out exactly how to go into the styles that were used in my own, but if you write down the specific examples and go and flesh them out from there it can help a bunch. That’s really the thing you can work on the most. Yes, the dialog is good and necessary, but at the same time, you need to use more of the ancient styles that were mentioned, or further explain the ones you already have.